Apologies and Comments

Posted on March 25, 2003 in Ettiquette

I write this blog as an examination of my heart. The danger anyone who does this faces is that there are those who cry “fresh meat” at the sight of honest, personal revelations, particularly about the war. Others can’t take criticism. Feelings run intense about this war and I am no exception. My anger is with those who don’t see it in themselves and project it.

There are those who seem to think that the problem is all me. They attack and attack without expressing their views. One wrote words to the effect that though she had the right to ruthlessly grill me on every possible flaw in my arguments, her views and actions were “none of my business”. I responded that when you grill someone else, your views become the business of the readers and the respondents, so they can compare where each is coming from.

I apologize when I am shown that my facts are wrong or when I have been shown that I have misjudged someone. When I refine my thinking, however, I do not always arrive at the place where they want me to be. This often becomes the occasion of more rage from them.

Unlike them, I don’t think that apologizing is a sign of weakness. Like many of my closest friends, I feel that an apology is a sign of personal strength and integrity. In the past, I’ve kept my silence in public when some have behaved ruthlessly towards others, but I have set those times behind. Now I ask my friends to please treat me tenderly, stand up for themselves when I have been unfair, and to be prepared to allow me the same. I have come to realize that I deserve better treatment.

I will not name names. Long time friends who have watched the comments area — sometimes in silence, sometimes commenting aloud about what they saw — support me in this. They know me as someone who thinks through his views, who doesn’t speak up unless he feels his acts are right and who is strong enough to apologize when he gets things wrong.

I thank them for their personal love and support.