Lost And Desperate

Posted on May 7, 2015 in Anxiety Psychosis

I am going insane. Every day, I feed Boadicea from a cat food scoop that I keep in her food bag. We have had this scoop since the mid-1990s. It goes in the same place every time one of us uses it and these days that person who puts it there is me. Yesterday, I went to feed her and it wasn’t there. I looked all over the kitchen, on the desk, upstairs, and could not find it. Where had it gone? Where could I have transported it to?

I cry at the top of my voice and revisit all the places the damn scoop could be. But it is not there, it will not be found. Lynn doesn’t understand how upsetting this is to me, how it makes me feel that I am starting to lose it all. She won’t let me suspect that some cruel person has been in the house stealing small but vital things, but where is the explanation?

I am tempted to set up a spy camera to see if someone has been in our condo, but that’s getting a bit paranoid, no? Tonight, the measuring tape that I use for my waist went missing. Again, it always goes back in the same place. No sign of it anywhere. These small things are measuring up to be a lot and I am wondering if they will push me over into the darkness. What is happening? What is my mind doing to me that keeps me from finding these simple things?