Accepting an Apology

Posted on July 1, 2003 in Ettiquette

I learned a thing about accepting apologies this past weekend. A friend lost her temper with me for something I said. (Details aren’t important.) She was a bit harsh, but in the right. I immediately apologized.

Yesterday, I got an email from her apologizing for the way she acted. I wrote back and then when I saw her, I said “Frankly, I don’t think you need to apologize for that. I understood two things: first that you were worn down and a little cranky; second, that there was justice in what you said. On the other hand, I can understand why you think you need to apologize. So let me say that I accept your apology and everything’s OK between us.” Then I hugged her.

It’s something to remember and stretch to fit when people come to me saying sorry for things like the way a countryman or a friend acted. Next time I’ll try to remember to say “I don’t think you need to apologize for what X did. But I can understand your feelings and I will accept your apology anyways because you’re my friend and I’d rather you didn’t carry this weight on your shoulders.”

The key: validate the offering. It’s meant in friendship.

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For some past thinking on apologies, look at this and this.