Punditry as Avoidance of Self Examination

Posted on August 7, 2003 in Blogging

I’m looking back at the posts I’ve made attempting to be the pundit on matters such as Hiroshima, Socialist Libertarianism, the attack on MoveOn, and income discrepancies. From the perspective of sitting at this computer, they’re lame and possibly worth deleting. The values and the ideas aren’t bad, but I’ve put as much passion into them as a dog laying on a front porch during the hot August days puts into his guard duties.

But it’s the same problem, over and over again. People want to talk politics, so blog about politics I must if I want comments. Then the question comes: do I want comments?* How then will I measure where people are?

I’m reminded of the experiment a class of psychology students pulled on a professor. Whenever the professor stood on the left side of the room, they looked rapt, paid him full attention, never let their eyes leave him. When he moved to the right side, they looked away, yawned, coughed into their sleeves. By the end of the semester, they had him sitting on a stool at the left side. He never caught on.

If I want to be noticed, it seems, I must be political. But I do it in my own way, branching forth from my own experiences. What I think is better writing, however, are my pieces stemming from memory, from the angst and the joy of being alive in this world. These, however, receive few comments, usually, so slowly I find myself being drawn back into punditry, giving in to the covert belief that I hold that this draws more attention to me and that attention is a good thing.

Writing, I am learning too late — honest, explorative, introspective, true, and courageous writing — is very lonely. Did I want to end up like this? Should I give up and do something else? The questions are rhetorical: no one else can answer them. I repeat: I am not a pundit and I hate when I see myself drawn to punditry and to exhibitionism. I am also getting bored with the gossip columns that I see so many blogs become when their writers just rehash the news, express their anger at events, mock public figures, and avoid any mention of what made them into the person that they are.

I’m seeing myself drift away from self-examination in this blog and I don’t think that’s a good course. It’s this running with the herd that gets me and makes me feel lonely. To tell the truth, I’m looking for something more personal in my readings of late and I am not finding it much anywhere. It’s either politics or product endorsements.

Is no one alive out there?

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*When I do get comments on my personal history and emotional struggles articles, I often get advice on how to “cure” myself. Very few people (thank you to those that do) show me in any way that they have struggled. They want to be authorities, but the grounds for their authority, it seems, must be kept secret.