Singles

Posted on September 17, 2003 in Encounters Partnership

I listened in on the singles group after the writing group tonight. They had a guest speaker who barked up his book which had something to do with men and shoe sizes. Women filled the travel section and vocally participated in the discussion. This expert on relationships was on his second marriage. His line contained something of the best selling “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” line.

The funny thing was that in my writing group, we talked about androgyny and wrote exercises calculated to bring out our male side for the women and our female side for the men. I don’t know if the folks who wandered over there after my group felt the dissonance, but I did. The writer played to the crowd, dispensed advice, and made dire predictions that found a great deal of favor among the divorcees who assembled to hear him.

I shook my head at all the talk. Then I talked to Bob. He told me that I was “lucky” to have a good relationship. This nudged me into a respectful silence. Then I said “It’s hard, damn hard to be single.”

Indigo is the color I assign singleness. To survive the moods, you have to learn to float in it until you collide with something solid. You check it out, see if it matches your expectations. If not, it is wise to cast off again, spin away.

The author suggested that singles make a list of what they want in a life partner so that they don’t go wrong in choosing. He made a little too much of looks and too little of mind and compassion (which are my most important criteria for any friend), but I think the advice is sound. Know what comforts you. Think and choose appropriately for you.