Twelve Cheeses for Twelfth Night

Posted on January 6, 2004 in Festivals Myths & Mysticism

This is the last night of Christmas, Twelfth Night or Epiphany when the Three Magi (Zoroastrians) came with gifts for the newborn Christ. Or so tradition holds. Christ was probably about two years old when they arrived in pursuit of the lightbulb in the manger and it was for this reason that Herod moved to slaughter every male child under the age of two years. (What if God had sent a female savior instead of a male one? That would have thrown the old buzzard king for a loop!)

On this day, those who still have their lights up (e.g. us) exhaust ourselves singing choruses of the full version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. I won’t bother you with the traditional version, but instead will present a tastier list from France:

1. A heap of oyster stuffing
2. breasts of veal
3. joints of beef
4. pig’s trotters (pickled?)
5. legs of mutton
6. partridges with cabbage (they’re in there)
7. rabbits on spits
8. plates of salad
9. sides of horned oxen
10. full casks of wine
11. hams (presumably a-roasting?)
12. small cheeses

Christmas is not for people with eating disorders or diabetes. All diets may commence on January 7 or, if you’re religious, on Ash Wednesday.