The International Protestant Conspiracy

Posted on March 6, 2004 in Irony & Sarcasm Reading

Horror of horrors! According to the authors of the delightfully mocking The 80 Greatest Conspiracies of All Time, the Czarist version of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion told us that

After the revolution, the Jewish overlords would keep the Gentiles in line by imposing a social welfare state based on centralized government, full employment, taxation in proportion to wealth, public education, and support for small business. [p. 332]

Will someone please tell the Bush Administration Jews to get on the schtick? They’re not delivering on the program!

Maybe they all secretly converted to Methodism or Southern Baptism? Are we seeing the effects of an International Protestant Conspiracy?

Work work work!

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UPDATE: Apparently, I am not alone in seeing the truth! A reader of Pravda writes:

The anglosaxon protestant occupational government (A-POG) in the US must be overthrown! Can’t you see the international protestant conspiracy to rule the world? YOU are all dupes!!! Servants of APOG I tells ye!!

Only a few of us are brave enough to speak out. There’s a conspiracy involving the highest levels of government. A single tribal religion has taken over the world’s most powerful nation with a mind to dominating the rest of us through bad television, processed foods, and chemicals insinuated into the black leatherette covers of Bibles. Yes, it is the International Protestant Conspiracy, my friends, and I dare say that I am risking my life to tell you about it. It’s all around you. Even the President is involved.

I am told by well-placed informants that they have gone so far as to place Bibles in hotel rooms bearing messages discreetly marked in scarlet so that their agents can act accordingly. The code is so ingenious that many people have absolutely no idea what the real powers behind the Bible are up to. The ink, I am told, induces the eye to read right past the vital information, so that those outside the conspiracy — though thinking they are part of it — do not suspect the real motives of this person called Jesus Christ….