New Lexicons for the New Century

Posted on March 9, 2004 in Humor? Mailbox Words

I received a shorter version of this list from John Lettiere via email. I did a search of the net and discovered this longer list that one “Ron Wren” had posted on a message board. The version that John sent me had only ten items. Do we need a new word for those who insist on truncating lists such as this because they are afraid that five more will critically override the bandwidth? What would it be?

Bozone (n.):

The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. [Did anyone tell these people that Bozo is a real name in Serbian?]

Foreploy (n.):

Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

Cashtration (n.):

The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti (n.):

Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm (n.):

The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn’t get it. [I run into this frequently, especially on IRC]

Inoculatte (n.):

To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n.):

Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis (n.):

A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon (n.):

It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.):

The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido (n.):

All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect (n.):

The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.):

The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.):

Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.):

The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you’re eating.

Ignoranus (n.):

A person who’s both
stupid and an asshole.

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John also sent a shorter version of this list. I used to work for a Seagull Manager.