Arguments

Posted on June 21, 2004 in Anger

I’m a fair fighter mostly. I don’t call Lynn names and I have never even thought of using any part of my body to pummel or restrain her. So I guess that I am doing well.

Nevertheless, I have a fiery spirit. What has helped me get it across to Lynn that my temper isn’t a sign of the end of the relationship is to realize and express the fact that when I lose it because the computer fails or the truck gets stuck in a pothole is that when I yell at her, the anger that is driving me is not anything she’s done wrong (usually), but the situation itself.

I think this may apply to other people as well. I know many men and a few women who do the same thing as I do. It does not enter their minds that their partner is worthless: they just personify the situation. The smart ones do what I do when they lose it: back down in a hurry and apologize.

I shouldn’t get angry much of the time, but I will say this for myself. I don’t hold grudges when it is clear that my anger was more about the disaster than about the person.