The Truth Behind Iraq

Posted on July 24, 2004 in Folly Watch Occupation of Iraq Reading

Yessiree. Michael E. Salla, Ph.D has a lock on the truth. It’s those aliens, you see. It’s because of our secret alliance with aliens that we’re in Iraq and we gotta be there to keep the Stargate from opening. If it does, the Anunnaki (got to be for real because it sounds like the Illuminati) will come back and destroy America! Michael E. Salla has a Ph.d and he’s a researcher at the Center for Global Peace, American University in Washington, so it’s gotta be true! Yep, the good aliens are with us and the bad aliens who used to tell the poor Sumerians that they were the gods are trying to come back. So a vote for Bush is a vote for our aliens and a vote for Kerry is a vote for the Anunnaki.

And if you believe that, I have got a super deal on a slightly used Stargate which you can program to bring back any of the gods. We entertained Aphrodite the other night. Bad case of anorexia bulemia that one has. You should see the water bill she ran up by the repeated trips to our bathroom. Plus, she says, the mithril implants Hephaistos made for her are hell.

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Sighted through Robert Sheaffer’s Psychic Vibrations column at Skeptical Inquirer (July/August 2004).

There’s a little bit more credibility to the story of the camel spiders which U.S. troops run across every day, though it is doubtful that they are responsible for the missing limbs as one reader suggests. Hey, wait. Maybe they are. The Iraqis love us. Right? So all those wounds gotta be the spiders.

Tell you what. If you buy that Stargate, I’ll throw in my secret camel spider repellant formula for free.