Depression as Drug

Posted on September 1, 2004 in Depression Originality & Creativity

Some say that this is a gift that I have, these times when I lose the energy to move my body and find myself staring into the picture-places of my brain. In this sadness, beauty resides. I have written fine words in low moods, taken excellent photographs when I have had the strength to find the camera, to pick up the camera, to turn on the camera, to point the camera at a chair or a rock or a live oak, and to push the shutter. Each step requires a dose of glucose that my body simply does not want to expend when I am in these moods.

Perhaps it is the paucity of energy which leads me to condense my words or concentrate my focus on small things. I cannot allow this disease to go too far or I will find myself completely paralyzed. It must be managed. My attitude must be similar to that which smart recreational drug users adopt towards their pleasure: I must learn to use the mood and not allow the mood to use me.