Apologies vs. Forgiveness

Posted on February 6, 2005 in Ettiquette

I am taking back something I said about a year and a half ago: I am not accepting apologies that I do not deserve.

What I suggest to people who feel as the friend did to say instead is “I forgive you.” That’s the true sentiment to work towards. Maybe an apology is their way of avoiding forgiveness? “If I apologize for my losing my temper, then I avoid forgiving X for what X said. X remains a brute and I become a saint.” I will decline the apologies gracefully from now on and suggest instead “Perhaps what you mean to say is that you forgive me?” Maybe they do. Maybe I will help them over a language hurdle by saying so. If so, it’s a good thing. If they get angry, it tells me much. And I can go on with my life, knowing that this person is best avoided.

It is too late to judge the friend’s intentions, so I will let it pass. Now I will turn my mind towards the future and try to handle it like I say from now on.