Trust in What?

Posted on February 12, 2005 in Disappointment Reflections

I think the thing that propels me into isolation is the feeling that while I can trust myself, I feel I can’t trust other people. Every therapy program that I have been in emphasizes that you should not read minds. I don’t say that I can do this, but there are ways of sending messages along. Not returning phone calls. Not answering emails. Not saying hi when you say hi. Not getting back when you’ve promised to get back. The right thing to do is to ask the person if they mean what you thought they said or to follow up, but can you trust that if the behaviors you observe keep happening?

Someone said to me recently “I will get back to you. Tomorrow.” I followed up. Ten days later, I received a callback. We chatted, problem-solved on a mutual project, and then it was back to “I’ll be back to you on this.” And it has been silence for nearly two weeks.

Don’t jump to conclusions, some say.

The only wise approach to life, it seems to me, is to trust yourself and maintain a wariness about others. If you put your head in the hands of others, they have the power to drop it and kick it at will.

Therapists will say that it is me who chooses isolation. Perhaps, so. The world is full of advice and promises, but short on action when it comes to bringing me out of my silent places.

Some call this “negative self talk”. I call it caution.