A Passed Up Opportunity

Posted on February 24, 2005 in Activity Avoidance Hope and Joy

I made a right decision tonight, even if it left me a little sad. I promised silence on the details, so I won’t say what group this was or even the topic. But I can talk generally about some issues that came up for me and how I faced the truth.

In the short run, I lost an opportunity. I chose two small groups over a larger one. The reasons for this included:

• I have made commitments to these others as a friend and a fellow in the struggle to develop our voices. The new group simply scheduled its future meetings over times when these other groups met.
• The kind of group I “represented” was of a decidedly different nature than the ones the other invitees represented. I ran a discussion and sharing group. Others ran performances. I was an odd fit and others agreed that perhaps I was out of place, that it was more important to include someone else (a respected friend) who could not come on this day of the month.
• The group in question was trying to rebuild after a disaster last year. I asked them “what have you learned from this?” and I was told “it’s too soon to know.” If they haven’t done any serious reflection and worked out solutions by now, I am not sanguine about their prospects to face the future.
• I asked what kind of conflict resolution they intended to employ. “It’s going to happen, so what do you plan to do?” The answer was “Well, when things disintegrate, we’ll rebuild.” What I heard in this was that they didn’t take conflict as seriously as they should. I would prefer to be part of a group that faced conflict bravely and built on success in coping with it. They stayed small, I think, in part because they did not keep their human resource base.
• Someone made a crack about my taking things too seriously. I didn’t respond, but felt that if we’re talking about how we’re going to work together, a little sobriety is called for. The humor can come later as relationships are worked out.
• I felt I found myself invited into a clique. I declined. Matter of principle.

I left smiling and feeling no animosity towards anyone. Whatever I have to offer just wasn’t good enough for these people.

I’m sad because I passed on an opportunity to get to know some new people. But I am proud because I thought of myself first and did not allow myself to be turned into a doormat. They promised to keep me informed by email — after declaring that they found it ineffective as communication. I think “what’s the point if all you are going to do is tell me what decisions you made?” I’m not represented nor can any of my groups be represented due to the scheduling. For now, I shall work on my own issues and crafts.

Blog on!