Monster under the Bed

Posted on March 19, 2005 in Ecommerce Humor?

Alas, they’ve taken down the item, but for a time someone was offering the monster under her daughter’s bed on eBay. I must say that it is comforting to know that there are people who take this seriously. Monsters beneath the bed don’t do much good at all: they don’t even eat the dust bunnies like any practical nightmare beast should.

I was so afflicted by creatures in the crawl space (I slept in the top rack of a trundle bed — big monsters often slipped under there and made those noises that only a child can hear like licking their chops as they imagined chewing the hair off my head or the toesnails out of my toes) that when I grew up I made sure to place my mattresses and boxsprings on the floor, thereby giving the monsters no space in which to lurk. (Giant snorklewhackers in the closet never disturbed me because my dog and later my cats slept there. Apparently the beasts are allergic to fur.) This has secured lasting peace of mind for me.

Having a wife who will bravely fend off any attacks also helps. Boy is it scarey when I wake up in the middle of the night and she’s not there, though! I can’t help but wonder: have they eaten her?

Speaking of Berk Brethed and things that come out of closets…