Needing to be caged

Posted on April 29, 2005 in Responsibility Sorrow & Regret

I see myself as adept at wrecking friendships. It was once said to me that “gentleness and kindness” would carry me a long ways. Good advice and I follow it, but I also realize that I have a parasitic personality about me.

In a sense, I am a stalker. I latch on to people and become obsessed with them. The only cure for this illness of mine is to break away and isolate myself — for their sake and for the sake of my sanity.

What brought me to this reflection were the words of K — who spoke of an disturbing, unrelenting dream — and the girl — who acquired an email stalker.

I’m not all that far from such obsessives except in this: I have said farewell to violence, farewell to invective, and farewell to surrendering to obsession. When I leave a girlfriend, I leave her forever. I do not haunt their love lifes, confront their new boyfriends (as one ex-boyfriend once did to me). Rather than hurt another person like this, I will direct all my fury, all my anger, all my hurt at my own heart. Why? Because I am a stalker and I must be caged.