Going Home

Posted on May 20, 2005 in Disappointment

This has nothing to do with the next article. All the people mentioned are kind and good-hearted souls. Which is why I am concerned when I learn of their life-pains.

Today I made a parting almost unnoticed, finished a chapter of my history and moved on. Out of this experience, I have come to learn that kindness is its own reward. I saw a group give an appreciation to someone else who was leaving and say nothing to me. Instead of making the rest of the day a misery wallow, I just kept quiet. I did not attempt to seize on the other person’s glory. When the day ended, I left.

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It took strength to do what I did. I hurt inside, but I kept a serene face. Perhaps, in time, I can share what has been going on, throw out the struts and support beams so you can se the structure. I am a better person that I was at the beginning of the year, though in many ways my life situation is pretty much the same as it was just before the book opened. Much has been written there. And much more will be written in new books. I just feel alone, without the skills to attract and keep others as friends.

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Someone said that the reason why they liked this guy was that they could feel his heart beating against their own. Therefore he had to be sincere. I sighed. My own weak heart hangs about six inches above that of others. Could this be the reason why people don’t trust me, because they can’t go heart to heart?