Haunted by A Meme

Posted on May 30, 2005 in Identity

There’s the ghost of a meme floating about which asks you to speak of five critical moments in your life. It started with a post by Danny Miller, who I do not know, recalling his relationship with his mother and other matters of character formation. Natalie continued the trend — bravely illustrating events of her life including going to bed praying that she would wake up a boy. She’s begged me to do my own.

I have deep reservations about doing this. First, I am always leary about setting up what Ira Progoff called Stepping Stones. At this time in my life, what seems critical may not be what turns out to be critical later. I don’t like the idea of solidifying a path. But then, I have always had this problem and where the hell has it led me but this chair overlooking the abyss between condos that is my home street.

Marking moments is for the proud and those who have contributed to the world. I don’t feel I gain much understanding from them or am advanced to higher levels by revealing them. I have trouble enough with the present to return to the past. Except as a private act of exorcism.

If I change my mind in three or four days, you will have to forgive me. I’m like that. This head of mine sometimes flies into a vortex of opinions and I can change my views faster than a strobe. So watch: he’s doing it, he’s not, he’s doing it, he’s not, he’s doing it, he’s not, he’s doing it….

He’s not. For now.

I’m terrified that you could hurt me knowing about me. Maybe I shouldn’t have watched The Aviator just now.