Mina

Posted on July 30, 2005 in Sorrow & Regret Violence

It’s a rule that you don’t talk about people in support groups by name or description. I am making an exception here. Readers should understand that it is a valid one. This is not a hit piece, but a tribute and a meditation.

I met Mina during the last week in a program for depressives and bipolars. I was on the way out, so I didn’t make much of an effort to befriend the new people. Mina, however, needed attention from someone’s heart, so I gave it.

Her face was a mix of Mayan and European, her skin a beautiful brown, her hair a natural looking orange brown. She dressed well. When she told us her story, I put a frame around her and labeled it “Trophy Wife”. This was not out of ridicule but out of sympathy.

Her husband made her stay home with the kids. She seldom left the house for ten years. Lord knows what else happened. It became worse and worse for her. She couldn’t stand the pretty home he bought through his business. It was a tomb with children in it. And as he became more preoccupied with making money, she became more and more isolated. You know the story. And it will not surprise you to know that she cracked. She exploded at her children and threw things — not at them, but in that sort of rage which manics pull, a show of near danger and screaming calculated to send the message that all was not right with Mom.

Her husband made her leave the house. She stayed at a motel until members of the group who were savvy about California law told her that he was maneuvering to have her docked for child abandonment. Mina loved her children. She cried whenever she spoke about her separation. A counselor told her to move back in and to get herself a lawyer and a forensic accountant because it was clear that hubby was trying to max his share of the divorce settlement. Mina stared at her for a long moment. He can do that? I gave her the number of a lawyer friend. Then she made notes and resolved to go home.

He moved out with the children, claiming he was protecting them. That’s the last I heard of the story. I remember the last time I saw her. She was struggling with a group assignment in which she had to write a list of ten gratitudes. I turned to her and said “I can tell you the first two. One. I have a daughter. Two. I have a son.” She wrote both of these down immediately. The fire of those feelings drove her to finish the list. Mina was seeing that life had its goodnesses.

When I knew her, she was either crying or stunned. One of the last things I said to her was to point to some nice people who were staying behind. “They will listen to you. Don’t hesitate to talk to them.”

I saw one of those people at a picnic today. After I left, I learned, Mina continued to struggle, but she was also gaining the confidence to fight for her children. Her husband continued to maneuver, continued to attempt to use her mental illness to get the upper hand. He was, by all accounts, a mental sadist. Then, in mid-June, Mina turned up dead.

My friend told me that everyone in the program, her psychiatrist, the hospital staff, her family, and her lawyer do not doubt that she was murdered. They called the District Attorney who said that there wasn’t enough evidence to convict Mina’s husband. I think it’s just the usual Orange County story: prosperous businessman on the way up decides he is tired of his wife. When she proves harder to drop than expected, he resorts to murder. And the District Attorney — perhaps checking the man’s political registration and history of donations — decides not to press an investigation. It is easy to mount a case against a man who has no lawyer, but not against a businessman. First, the businessman can afford a lawyer. Second, there are the old class ties. This is the form that class warfare takes in Orange County and it is entirely one-sided.

I have been angry about Mina and I doubt that justice will be served as long as Republicans control the county government. They will nail child molesters regardless of party. Murder is another story. You can pay to have it overlooked.

My friend went to the funeral. Mina’s family in Mexico rented a bus to be there. My friend described the husband as anything but grieved. Even though they’d been talking divorce, he acted as the impressario for the show, making sure that people did their appointed parts.

I am heartbroken. Mina was someone who I hoped the very best for. I wanted her to get better. I wanted her to make it out of this wracking episode in her life. Those tears that ran whenever she talked about her children and how she had frightened them with her terrible tantrum deserved to be staunched. I felt Mina deserved a better life and the confidence she needed to resume her life. She never once stated that she wanted the children all for herself. Shared custody was always her object. California Law protects the right of the mentally ill when it comes to custody issues. That Mina suffered from bipolar disorder could not be used against her. That she had committed herself to treatment also worked for her. If her husband did murder her, he probably found that most of his tricks were foiled.

Except one. Bastard.