Spare the court order, spoil the child?

Posted on November 3, 2005 in Abortion Crosstalk

I don’t often link to other blogs unless there is something truly interesting and unique that can shed new light on current debates. David Markham, whose Behavioral Health blog I have been following for only a few days, attracted my attention with an article about dissolution of adoptions. Yes, my friends, it is possible to dispense of a child who did not meet your expectations just like you can drop an unwanted puppy by the side of the road or drown an unwanted litter of kittens in the river. Perhaps I am being too harsh, but Markham’s article is telling:

What percentage of adoptions are dissolved in the United States? It appears to run between 3 – 6%. What percentage of special needs kids in the process of adoption never get adopted because the process is “disrupted”? That percentage appears to be 10 -20%.

Puts a new spin on the phrase “adoption not abortion” doesn’t it? Markham links to an inconclusive study from the Department of Health and Human Services on whether or not providing support services to families who adopt special needs children helps or not. Given my dislike of abortion (I mean, aside from one strange Wiccan who might have thought it a unique form of blood sacrifice, I have not met anyone who truly likes it — but then who likes a root canal or an appendectomy?), I would hope that the future of nonaborted children and their mothers might be brighter so as to discourage the practice. But when one in twenty adopted children ends up in a home where he/she is not wanted, what prospective mother would want that for the fruit of her womb? Many mothers abort because they don’t want someone else raising what they have carried in their uteruses for many months. They choose to terminate pregnancy because either they get to be the mothers or no one can be.

It seems to me that if we see abortion as vile then we’d be better off helping single mothers. But, of course, while adoption is viewed as wholesome and good, helping the mothers is seen as supporting promiscuity. (Is it only me who sees the folly in this?) Adoption, it turns out, appears to be much like marriage and it would not surprise me if Fundamentalists “dissolved” their parent-faux child relations more than the average adoptive family.

If you hate abortion, then the focus must be on honoring and securing the mother-child bond with appropriate help, rehabilitation, and financial support. For a single mother, having a child need not be a disaster or an act of surrender to strangers — provided the greater community throws its support behind her.