Two Big Black Steel Balls

Posted on April 11, 2006 in Agnosticism Reflections

Kim (Ombren) wrote recently of her desire to put life in a pill. This set me to reflecting:

Life and the World. I use both terms widely in my personal writings. They mean pretty much the same thing except that Life encompasses everything and the World includes everything that is not me or my clothing. My body, my mind, my wife, the neighbors, the condo, the trees, the asphalt, the mountains, the sky, sable antelopes, etc., all comprise Life. And, in my imagination, a great pearly shield overarches all of that. So there is a limit to Life and also to the World. The World does not include moons, planets, asteroids, Kuiper Belt Objects or the Void. I’ve neatly ruled out anything beyond the last thin traces of atmosphere as belonging to The World. But more than just the material reality: I’ve included culture and society — coffee shops, cafes, temptresses, temptations, the library, a few good books, relationships, and a lot of bad music — to name a few.

Having done this, I have defined Life and the World as I write them in my notebooks. And having defined them, I have reduced them, thinned them from the great weighty objects they become in my depressions. In my notebooks, they become as large as God. By enumerating what encompasses them, I have given them measurement. They are not the Infinite, though at times they may be the Incomprehensible. Instead of a purpose-demanding Life and World (as in “what are you going to do with your life?” and “what are you going to make of yourself in this world?”) I have chosen the Universe, which is infinite, incomprehensible, and makes no demands. I choose to make of my time here just what I will and with regard to the dignity of others. Life and the World? They are big black steel balls that I chain to my ankles from time to time. I don’t really need them.

But the cuffs are in reach the next time I want to self-mutilate with them.