Carnival of the Bipolars #7
Posted on August 3, 2006
in Bipolar Carnival
Twenty three days of mania afflicted me in June and July. I survived it but the med changes I had to go through — thanks to my blood sugar levels and damage to my kidneys — were hell. I share Crazy Tracy’s aversion to Abilify, but on no account do I discourage anyone else to try it.
Strange little world we bipolars live in. “That one made me barf, shake, feel like my arms were turning into bicycle inner-tubes, and bestowed a headache sure to turn contagious to others, but don’t let my experience turn you off to it. It’s just me.”
Because symptoms and side effects dominated my thinking about the disease and the illness that shadows it, I read most of the blogs with a mind to other peoples’ experiences.
Symptoms
bp Hockey Chick recalls the past and the present: “I could never get the same response in my current shape, thanks to medication. I haven’t felt the need to wander for quite some time, in large part to medication and in part due to the calming envelope that is Rob. And it saddens me that now the urge ripples through me after such a long absence. It’s like a family member always known for stealing from your grandmother: you know they’re bad to be around, but the family tie can never be erased.”
Dreaming Mage moaned: “This is a very confusing illness.” Tell me about it.
Jane gives an unwitting example of the dangers of self-medicating: “I am getting thoughts I don’t like. My head feels like I’m getting charges of short electrical jolts (thats the only way I can explain it). And to be honest, I’m scared. I can’t call my psychiatrist because he doesn’t know I’m trying to get off of my meds & he would make me go into the hospital again, which I WON’T do.”
Maggs writes about how Julie Eron’s book touched her:”It makes me cry to think of how I can be at my t-docs and tell him how great I’m doing and a week later know that it wasn’t “me” talking. The ideas, oh the grand ideas! The projects I start and never finish.”
Raine grumbles: “Call it what you like. I feel vicious and nasty and evil. Dont read this if you are easily triggered. I hate the world. I am just writing thoughts as they occur. There is no good freaking reason for this heat. What is its purpose.”
Saphyre wants to know: “what effect does music have on your mood? Am I the only one who uses it to help me? That has known forever that it amplifies whatever mood I tend to be in, and if I’m starting to feel depressed that maybe I should turn off the IPOD? Well then again – if you listen to my station you’ll see that I’m not exactly into happy happy joy joy music… Can you say ick?”
Sid chewed on a study which claimed that the family that ate together had fewer behavior problems: “My family ate dinner together almost every single night, it was expected of us. I drank, smoked, was depressed, tried suicide, had sex all before the age of 16. I certainly didn’t learn any big words from being at the dinner table, that I can guarantee you. My oldest brother smoked, drank, did drugs, was depressed and refused to eat vegetables. He also dropped out of school at 16.”
Teressa reflected on one of her moods: “I am in my own world which is where I prefer to be at the time. I would rather Gary and Clay do their things and leave me alone. My stress level is high and I just want to play hearts on the computer or go to diabetic chat. Sometimes diabetic chat is too much for me. I know it is not good for Clay for me to get like this. He feels so lonely as it is without my episodes. I just pray I don’t do permanent damage to him and he grows to be bitter as an adult. I zone everything around me out most times and Clay hates when I have to ask him what he said because he knows I was ignoring him. Not that I single him out to ignore. I just zone everyone out. I guess it is a shield that I learned as a child that I never let go of.”
Tracy wrote about the perfidious ways of detail men: “I would do anything Dr. K suggested, take any med, do anything he wanted…and even though I tried to backpeddle once we were in his office the next day, she wouldn’t allow it. That’s where the Abilify came in. I can’t tell you how much I hate that medicine. Well yes, I can. About a month ago, their Reps came in pushing the drug with a big spread of lasagna, salad, cake, free pens and coffee cups and such. I boycotted the lunch and staked a space by the door trying to get others to do the same. My favorite resident, Dr. E said, “But Tracy, they have cake!” I wish her well on her ECT.
Side Effects
Bipolar Guy finds he has a unique side effect among Lamictal sufferers: “Although I’ve scoured the Net, and spent many discussions with my Psychiatrist, it seems that I am the only one that suffers from chronic shakes. I’ve never had rock-solid steady hands, but since starting Lamictan, there has undoubtedly been an increase in my hand tremor. And it’s BAD, believe me – I’ve even stopped going to coffee shops as I’ve been known to spill my cup and am very aware of everyone staring at me thinking “Shame, poor alcoholic”.”
dan has had some interesting experiences: “I’ve been sleeping like utter crap. And no, it’s not just the triple digit heat index temps, even up here in sub-arctica. We have central air to take care of that. I’m waking up repeatedly all night long.
“I wish I could tell you that I didn’t know what was going on. But I do. I keep having this one dream. In my conscious mind, I don’t want to be there, so it wakes me up… putting an end to the dream. Usually, this would restart the whole system and when I fell back asleep, I’d dream of something else. Perhaps a stalker jamming a straw in my belly button and sucking the air from my lungs (which is one of the few recurring dreams I actually have, don’t ask).”
Gen writes about her weight gain due to medications: “i was sitting outside on the patio smoking a cigarette and felt this roll of chub right below my bra. i’ve never had this before. that threw me head first into a discussion about how i’ve gained inches in my thighs and ass (which is a really good thing because i had no thighs and no ass before). i don’t think that i’ve ever mentioned in here that B and i took our measurements not too long ago and i was shocked to see that i’ve gained over three inches in my hips/ass area.”
James’s experience sounds much like my own: ” NOW i’m back to feeling groggy and sleepy most of the day. I MUST have a cup of coffee every morning and it’s not until I have a coke with lunch that I actually feel somewhat “awake.” Thing is that then I am awake yet anxious from all the caffeine!!!”
Jil had some kvetching to do: “I’m taking my medicine (all because Maggs cussed me out, I love you Maggs!) My NP said to take my frickin medicine and that lots of bipolar people want off their meds because they miss the fun of the highs. I am really missing it right now because I feel like crap. Once again, I cant concentrate on anything and I�m really tired. My NP said I would be sluggish. No shit. Sluggish doesnt even touch how I feel right now. I cant do ANYTHING. I am restless as all hell. I want to walk around a lot, I cant sit still. Its either run around or sleep.”
Hope
Manica found a man made of gold: “Sunday we were together and he tells me he has been doing some research on manic depression and his words: ‘This is a really serious condition. It isn’t something you asked for. You didn’t bring this on yourself. I can see that you are taking steps to address this and be the best person you can be. I am going to try to learn as much about it as I can to understand it and to help you as much as I can.'”
The Door Closes
The Carnival of the Bipolars appears on the third of every month. It is hosted by different members of the bipolar and associated communities (i.e., caregivers, sufferers of other mental disorders with affinities towards our disease.) To host this review of bipolar blogging and information, contact gazissax at best dot com.
Information about this and related carnivals may be found at The Truth Laid Bear ÜberCarnival. Opinions expressed in this review do not necessarily reflect those of the editor or of any single bipolar except as attributed.
The September 3 Carnival of the Bipolars will be hosted by Bipolar Guy The Queen. Wild Abandon’s Jil will host the October 3 Carnival. Look for their imprint.
Graphics: Copyright 2005 and 2006 by JIL.
