Immature Conservatives

Posted on October 16, 2006 in Folly Watch Liberals & Progressives

Harper’s Magazine writer Wells Tower attended the twenty eighth annual National Conservative Student Conference in Washington last July and August. He collected this list of reasons why the attenders were present at the conference:

• I needed to come to a place where people love America and understand why.
• I’m here because I want to make liberals cry and subvert the socialist agenda.
• I’m here because I’m a Christian.
• Liberals on my campus make me sick, and I want to figure out how to combat them better.
• I came to D.C. because I might get a chance to slap the jaw of Ted Kennedy.
• I’m here because I thought this conference had the potential to turn into a weeklong fear-and-loathing-in-Las-Vegas-style adventure but with conservatism instead of drugs.
• I’m here to see a girl I met on MySpace.
• I want to teach freshmen how to defend themselves against dirty hippies.
• I’m here because I’ve seen the liberals destroy Chicago.
• I’m sick of dating liberal guys.
• I’m earning a zoologist’s and veterinary degree, and we are having a lot of arguments about evolution; I need some better ammunition than what I have right now.
• I’m here for How to Bash Liberals 101.
• I’m here not necessarily to bash liberals but to change the system from the inside out.
• I came here to network with my fellow right-wing conspirators, because we’re all going to be running the country someday.

After collecting these and many others like them, Tower was surprised not to hear one reason. Can you guess what it is?

“I’m here because I support George W. Bush.”