When Things Fall Apart

Posted on March 25, 2007 in Avoidance Frustration Rage & Annoyance

I realize the hell that many people must be going through. It gets ripped in one place, usually due to bad advice or a good intention. Then jihad begins — somewhere — and punishment is exacted, usually on one person. That person suffers the most. The air clears, the pain is not undone. People look to the victim to forgive without apologies, to say that things can be the same as they were before. But a wise victim finds him/herself in a tortured place. You cannot trust these people again because they will hurt you in the same way. They’ve made up lies, carried the war too far. Yet, they, too hurt.

The damage is so massive, you see, that no one can fix it. Even if apologies are offered, relations just can’t be restored. Not without outside help, people skilled in conflict resolution. The best we can do without it is to simply not make war. Yet incidents will happen, people will not leave it alone or tread in another’s space. And the other will not like them there because they have never heard the least suggestion that what was done to them was in error.

We’ve been taught that apologies are signs of weakness, of total capitulation.

I fucked up. And I just can’t stand the sight of the people who fucked me over.

[tags]Anger, Avoidance, Frustration, Conflict, Moods, Emotions[/tags]