Needles

Posted on November 12, 2008 in Depression

Needles of the day stick out everywhere. The good thing was that I got out for a short walk with the dog that didn’t make my right foot spurt blood. Bad things included the computer doing bizarre things with the mouse due to a filthy shift key, the dog chawing down on five ball point pens, and feeling like an idiot because I don’t program or own the latest gizmos. Add to this discovering that I completely misread an email to me and answered it as if I were on another planet. Then shake it with my therapist intimating that my life was so without drama that I wasn’t worth having sessions with for the time being. I read that as I am boring, someone whose life wasn’t worth rescuing. Fiercer self-questioning on this point left me in a vacuum. Silence is no message and that makes it maddening.

Blame the longer, darker nights and Change. The Change that I voted for so that others will thrive, so that lives will not be shattered. I know that I will not be a part of that.

The pain has no antidote, unlike that caused by the needles of uric acid crystals in my toe. I know I just have to get through these nights, know that they will end with some more light

When all you have left to talk about is your sickness, then you have come to the end of worthy consciousness.

In the morning, I will take my meds, go for a walk, get some sunshine. I’ll be fine.