Thoughts on the Beast

Posted on July 15, 2002 in Crosstalk Depression

Crazy Tracy writes about fighting off the soldier called depression on her blog. I posted this to her comments area:

I remember one morning when I sat up in my bed and woke up my wife. “Lynn,” I said to the Empress. “I’m sick.” That was the day when things began to turn around for me, when I saw myself as having a disease, not a moldy curse.

It can be hard to explain to people that you sometimes get depressed for “no reason”. They want a tragedy, walls falling down or floods of mud erupting from the canyon mouths, something that would “throw anybody for a loop”. But, personally, I find that crises ennervate me. The lack of real crises — “the mundane shit” — can get me down and staying in the bed for days on end.

When I read your stuff, Tracy, I recognize my own self — slightly flipped out but with a vision that deserves to be shared with the world.

Insert a nervous click here as the post goes off to her comments section. Am I not more than a little egotistical? Consider what I go through. Vision’s great, I think, but does the Beast that bears the gift have to bite so dang hard?