Narrow Paths

Posted on March 17, 2009 in Bipolar Disorder Journals & Notebooks

This is an excerpt from my writing practice-book.

The narrow path works both ways it seems to me. The way of the med is a narrow throughway — you have to take the right-doses at the right time of the day. You have to keep taking them so you don’t lose your mind. You lose your sense of insight, the mad thoughts that others celebrate for their wit & their brilliance. There’s no more dancing on the point of a pin, so you don’t get jabbed by your recklessness. On the other hand, it can mean a lot of plodding to stay to the agenda which is often set for you by others. The thud thud thud of simply medicinal recovery. I hunger for, I hope to savor my own feelings of accomplishment, the realizations of a living heart without allowing that heart to thunder itself in the final stillness. I, don’t want the narrow path to be a synonym for dead or heavily sedated. I couldn’t live with myself as a ever-dying toad. I need to feel better than I do on the day after I miss a dose of my Effexor. I need to affirm that I walk in meadows and forests without losing my way. This — not the narrow path of either variety — is what recovery is all about.