Death Roll Minus One and Blogging from a Depression

Posted on March 13, 2003 in Courage & Activism Depression The InterNet

Rich, who ran one of the four blogs (not the Porn Video Clerk, not WkenShow, not Locust Eater) that I listed among the dead, went into hiding because his family found his blog and were hectoring him about it.

The new one is My Life in the Depths of Depression.

I know that it is hard for some to read blogs where the subject matter is darkness. Natalie, who herself suffers from a mood disorder, complained about “whine bags” who find themselves at a point where they think no one likes them and that no one reads them. (Bright red arrow pointing at me here.) Having dipped in and out of depression most of my life, I think the way one looks at such declarations affects how one responds to them. Counseling other depressives through peersupport.org, I know how sad people can go on and on.

I can tell you that no depressive is going to snap into happiness by people telling them not to be depressed. I’ve kicked some ass online when I’ve seen people try to counsel others in this manner. It’s kind of like people who turn a blind eye to the roots of terrorism. The pain is there. It’s not a fantasy and it is not easily dismissed. Through drugs, counseling, and ever so gradual working up out of the pit (sometimes all you can do is just not make it worse), depressives struggle. And often they fall again. When they do, I’m there to say “You’re still all right by me and yes, we can start again. Right back at Square One. It’s OK.” When I see someone else aching, I acknowledge the ache. “Yeah, it hurts,” I say. “I honestly don’t know if it will get better or not. But I am grateful that at least you are writing.”

I worried about two bloggers in particular, blu and Rich, both of whom share my disease. When Rich announced that he was discontinuing his other blog and when blu just disappeared for a couple of weeks, I felt lost. As long as they posted, you see, I knew that they were still fighting the fight.

If they could survive with all the crap coming down on them, so could I.

So I welcome any entries from them and I am overjoyed that they both continue to write. Life has not ended for them. Though the Beast has pushed their noses to the dirt, they still push ahead, crawling if they must. Given what the Beast does to a mind, I must number these two as heroes. Two of my heroes. They remain alive. I celebrate their persistance. And I know — boy do I know — how it hurts.

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A further analogy: how many people on an upswing turn nasty when someone suggests that they should tone it down or think of the suffering in the world? We think it is rude to interrupt someone’s good time, but OK to belittle those who ache — often because they don’t want to hurt other people and other people are walking all over them? What a warped world!

Personally, I have found depressives far more open to good, thoughtful criticism than a lot of “happy people”. Validating that it is right that they feel concerned is a good thing. And it helps them become undepressed.

I say: Let people have their joys and their sorrows as long as they aren’t physically hurting others with their indifference or their rage.