Anorexic Actresses

Posted on April 11, 2003 in Folly Watch

The favorite targets of some bloggers are actresses who, due to the demands of their professions, must stay thin. We, the popcorn eating masses, are indirectly responsible for this, because of the reward we grant to those movies in which the actresses appear. It’s not that we think sickingly thin is a good thing: we want people on the screen to look normal. Nicole Kidman — who appeared in a photo on the Today on Microsoft Network — has a crone neck in most paparazzi pictures of her because of a simple fact of optics: the lense they use to shoot her is different from the one cinematographers use to capture her.

Those who have taken a few photography courses know the secret. Cinematographers like to use wide angle lenses for close ups. If you ever want to humiliate your enemy of average or greater build, photograph her or him with a wide angle. It’s guaranteed to put a few pounds on the boniest rail. Wide angles stretch the light rays bouncing off the skin so that you look fatter. Get close enough with a wide angle and the features of the face become positively distorted and unreal. Only at great distances do wide angles fail to warp the apparent bodies.

A 50mm lense — the industry standard — represents the light intake onto the film as most of us see it. Papparazzi use a 70mm or greater — up to a 120mm lense. These low end telephotos flatter us: they have the opposite effect of the wide angles. If you’re overweight, you can shed a few virtual pounds by having your photographer use one of these instead. Point it at a Hollywood actress and she will appear emaciated or, if she really is emaciated, skeletal.

This is another media appreciation report from your local blogger who knows too much for his own good.