Sermon on the March:
Beatitudes for the American “Christian”

Posted on April 17, 2003 in Morals & Ethics Satire

Dedicated to Mute Troubadour, Pissed Off Wiccan, and Body and Soul, among others:

• Blessed are the tele-evangelists, because they tell us that we can buy our way to heaven;
• Blessed are the moneychangers, because they keep the economy going;
• Blessed are the few and the proud, because they shall capture the oil-bearing earth for us;
• Blessed are those who make and sell guns, because they help us to protect our property and our freedom from those to whom we deny both;
• Blessed are the journalists and the pundits, because they tell us what we want to hear;
• Blessed are the dare to discipline experts, because they teach our children to leave us alone when we are praying for our country and our prosperity;
• Blessed are the executioners, because they allow us to participate in killing without getting blood on our hands;
• Blessed are those who persecute Muslims, humanists, feminists, Wiccans, Mormons, and homosexuals, because they set a price on not being with us.

For a contrary view on the meaning of Christianity, read Matthew 5: 3-11.

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