Two doses of Xanax in succession seem to have brought me out of the mania. I would rank myself at a six on the zero to ten point scale that we use in our support group. Colors don’t seem as bright, I am not attracted to every woman that I meet, and my driving is mostly good.
When I went hiking yesterday, I found myself pushed to the point of exhaustion. I carried more than anyone because I was a group leader and needed to port a first aid kit, extra water, etc. but my bones could not take it this day even though I took a harder hike on Thursday night with no ill effects. I got back from Vulture View all right after a couple of people took some of the weight off my back, but I was weak for most of the day. The message I am drawing from this is to get back into my routine of exercising more. So on Tuesday, I am going to do the Dreaded Hill hike again and maybe again on Thursday with some variation.
Today we went with a friend to Bunnyhenge and Fashion Island in Newport Beach to mark Solstice. The worst thing I did was sing some Tom Lehrer songs on the way back, so I am confident about being on the mend. The weakness on the hike worries me more than the hypomania at this point: I wonder if it was the Xanax?
The zero to ten point scale works like this: It is a bipolar scale, so “normal” is from 4 to 6 where 4 means you are tired but not depressed and 6 means that you are happy but not manic. Zero means you feel like a zero: you’ve been in bed for weeks and someone had to drag you out of bed, bathe you, dress you, and drive you to the meeting. Or you are seriously suicidal. 10 means you arrived after hitchhiking nude down the freeway, you answer to names like God, the Virgin Mary, Mohammed the Messenger of God, Obama, Mitt Romney, Hillary Clinton, etc. In other words you have lost all impulse control and all sense of identity. 7 to 9 is manic with 7 representing hypomania — which is where I was and 9 being the most manic you can be without needing to be in the hospital. 1 to 3 is depressed with 1 being the most depressed without needing to be in the hospital. So I am now at a 6 and holding.