A Watch on the Fringe of BDSM

Posted on May 16, 2003 in Sexuality

Most practitioners of BDSM that I know practice it only between consenting adults and use safe words to keep the fun from becoming horrific. I even know one who is something of a pacifist. As a victim of child abuse, I never quite understood the thrill of it from either end. I’d be a failure as a dom quite simply because I empathize too readily and I couldn’t shake the bad memories as a sub.

Today The OC Weekly ran a brief interview with a woman who runs seminars for those wanting to participate in the sport.

BDSM is big here in Orange County, which doesn’t surprise me, actually, because leather and toughness are a way of life even among Fundamentalist Christians. “My personal experience is that an inordinate amount of male police officers are into being doms—male dominants,” says Jeanne Ryan. She claims that the local boys and the CHP are “safe and sane, caring and protective” but a few fellows from the LAPD struck her as positively psychotic:

“The way they acted, their attitudes, the things they laughed about—like how much fun it was to beat that guy until they saw his brains come out the back of his head—that scared me.”

Ryan declares that she got into BDSM for entirely different reasons. For her, playing with whips and chains is no more bellicose than men donning padding and helmets for a game of football. She may be right and I’m left wondering just what kind of programming makes for someone who does BDSM for fun and respect for the partner versus the mad dogs.

I call this one of those difficult questions. I don’t favor outlawing BDSM between consenting partners, but I think like any other kind of sex life (including and especially heterosexual marriage because it is the most common), it remains open to criticism and the use of social pressure to regulate it. I continue to worry about the choice to be a dom and the choice to be a sub, at least in some cases. Donna has chided me on her tagboard for “stereotyping” BDSM — pointing out for example that powerful people do not generally like to be submissives for a change of scene — and what Ryan says confirms Donna’s observations. Powerful people like power. They like to be in the position where they can beat things.

Living in a county where power plays and BDSM are common, I remain wary of the art of whips and chains. It is my considered opinion that the BDSMers who I do hang out with are courteous people who play by strict, compassionate rules, but I also think it is very healthy to remain suspicious of the intentions of many who work the scene. It bothers me that people who wield power in the law like to pretend that they are dungeon masters.

My Millsian perspective on the subject is that as long as harm is not done, the play can continue, but I will not speak to silence strong criticism and deep questioning about the motives behind BDSM either. Human bodies can be hurt and what seems like a game can too easily turn into something more serious and cruel. This is an example of a lifestyle which should be rigorously and continuously reexamined, mostly because of the kooks who hang out on the fringes and the fans among law enforcement who like to bash in heads.

Note: Donna’s blog is off the air while she resolves the issues I have discussed below.