Faux News

Posted on August 9, 2002 in Journalists & Pundits

I found myself in a auto dealer service department’s waiting room this morning while mechanics tried to play CDs on my car stereo. Salesmen ambled in to grab cups of coffee, to sneak peeks at what kind of donuts were to be had in a pink box, and to check out the girls on the local Fox News outlet (Los Angeles). Casting for this entertainment included a whore who wore a sleeveless blouse and a diamond choker; a good girl who covered her arms; and a wimpy middle aged geezer chosen for the fact that he wasn’t especially handsome and so could be easily replaced in the fantasy of the average male. Both the women trolled for an audience with sex and long blonde hair.

No talk of the flimsy case to war against Iraq or schemes to rob Social Security or Bush-affiliated corporations going bust. The whore, who doubled as weather girl, showed radar animations of storm clouds moving in on Texas. A film clip exposed three teenaged girls who ran the police on a merry chase from downtown Los Angeles through Hollywood and nearly to the sea. The newscaster identified them only as “known gang members”.

Another clip demonstrated how a man attempted to evade capture by jumping out of a stolen vehicle while it was still rolling through an alley. The news casters patted the news chopper crew on the back for keeping on the suspect’s tail and sending reports so the police could intercept him.

The last story reported that crop circles had been found in a Maine field. The owners of the field reported lights and loud noises. The Maine State Police investigated. No footprints or other signs that this was the work of local pranksters had been discovered on the scene, Fox claimed.

The secret is out. If you want to get on Fox News, build a crop circle in your yard. Don’t worry about evidence left at the scene. Fox will edit that out for you. The mostly male audience will fixate on two pairs of petite breasts and imagine themselves as the man in the middle. The whore with the choker will giggle and dance for them while the Republican Congress sells off the marble from the Lincoln Memorial.