Sustained Personal Involution

Posted on August 23, 2002 in Attitudes

Sometimes I think that I’m the most interesting character I know. At least I try. Maybe it is because I have this thing against gossip and against projecting my thoughts on other people. IRC people and bloggers tend to put their thoughts right out there for people to see. So I can easily speak mind to mind. But when I see someone on the street, I tend to avoid projecting my thoughts on them. If I find myself doing it, I make a note in my other notebook, the one I use for fiction. That way I can honestly say that this is not the person I saw, but someone who I styled after their looks, the way they talked, etc.

To tell the truth, it might also be because I live in the illusion that I understand myself far less than I understand other people. I think this is because all you really ever get to distill of other people is their actions and their words. The view I have of myself is different: I’m not just watching my actions, but I am also able to see those endless involutions inside my brain. I have the power to generate my own story and it’s fun to play around as a fictional creation that I weave. I can make this puppet dance, which is something that no amount of cajoling, yelling, screaming, bribing, begging, threatening, or politely asking can I use to cause with certainty in another person.