Tough Love

Posted on November 13, 2003 in Attitudes

Tough Love isn’t such a bad thing if practiced as Love rather than a cloak for meanness.

I knew a man who had a son who was in to drugs and preferred living under a bridge to living at home. The father realized that somewhere along the line he’d screwed up. He was willing to help the son get treatment for his addiction, take him in while he was recovering. There was a catch: no drugs in the house.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

The son chose the bridge.

Not becoming a codependent is where the philosophy of Tough Love had its origins. For example: You get so drunk that you fall to sleep on the stairs, the reasoning goes, you spend the night on the stairs where you put yourself. OR You can’t come to my house drunk or under the influence of recreational drugs. I will feed you, let you sleep over, if you are sober. OR Because of your violence, I can’t live with you. But I still care about you and if you are sick, I will help you become better.

These attitudes represent the true character of Tough Love. What I decried the other day doesn’t cut it as Love, just as abuse with a upscale suburban face.