Meat the Press

Posted on January 26, 2004 in Campaign 2004 Journalists & Pundits

The friend who passed this on to me said that she thought it was a parody at first. But it’s the real thing and the scarey part is that the White House is proud enough of the performance to post these Remarks to the Press Pool*:

THE PRESIDENT: I’m hungry and I’m going to order some ribs.

Q What would you like?

THE PRESIDENT: Whatever you think I’d like.

Q Sir, on homeland security, critics would say you simply haven’t spent enough to keep the country secure.

THE PRESIDENT: My job is to secure the homeland and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. But I’m here to take somebody’s order. That would be you, Stretch — what would you like? Put some of your high-priced money right here to try to help the local economy. You get paid a lot of money, you ought to be buying some food here. It’s part of how the economy grows. You’ve got plenty of money in your pocket, and when you spend it, it drives the economy forward. So what would you like to eat?

Q Right behind you, whatever you order.

Put this in perspective: Bush has given fewer press conferences than any president since Ronald Reagan went senile. He’s turned reporters into crazed dogs, hungry for any bit of information. Of course, he doesn’t want to answer the question being asked. So he turns the tables on the reporters, claiming that it is their failure to spend that is slowing the American economy:

THE PRESIDENT: See, his job is to ask questions, he thinks my job is to answer every question he asks. I’m here to help this restaurant by buying some food. Terry, would you like something?

Q An answer.

Q Can we buy some questions?

THE PRESIDENT: Obviously these people — they make a lot of money and they’re not going to spend much. I’m not saying they’re overpaid, they’re just not spending any money.

Bush should put more of his money — and the money of his friends — into the economy. A few dollars from these journalists ain’t going to work as well as liberating some of those huge mounds of lazy cash in the vaults of the top 5%. “Money is like manure. You have to spread it around to do any good” went a common catchline from Hello, Dolly!. It’s time to take the shovel and scoop some out of Bill Gates’ barn and put it on the fields instead of talking crap about the White House press corps, who are members of the working class.

This incident took place at the Nothin’ Fancy Cafe in that capital of bogosity Roswell, New Mexico. E.T. phone home and tell them that we need to do something about Dubya.

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*If this had been Howard Dean, you can bet that the Murdoch/Moon media machine would have put his ribs on the BBQ.