Pax Nortona – A Blog by Joel Sax
From the Land of the Lost Blunderbuss
A Personal Declaration of Purpose
Posted on March 22, 2005 in Activity Memes Writing
I wrote this as an exercise. Put down on paper what you stand for, what you live for. As I wrote it, certain negative thoughts entered. Rather than put a happy face on them, I decided to honor them and observe how they gave me strength. I have decided, furthermore, that if I live in a world where people don’t understand people like me, I am not going to bow out of it. I will live in it. I will continue to put my name forth, send my material out. It’s a bit like making friends, something I do not seem to do well. But my pen has never attacked me like people have. So I trust it:
I live to write. I write not only because it is a profession or pastime which suits my disability, but because it brings me joy and release.
My mission is to write honestly and sincerely, about joy, about pain. The profession I have chosen involves rejection: I am particularly suited because rejection has been a theme in my life. I shall not enumerate the times and the ways that I have felt rejected or unloved or unappreciated by others. I shall simply state that this has not and shall not prevent me from writing.
I shall write as if my views matter and may enchant or help others. I shall write whether or not people call me to see how I am doing. I shall write whether or not I am published. I shall seek opportunities to put my words where others can find them. Whether it is only a handful who see them or the whole nation, I shall consider myself a success if those words are seen and perhaps repeated.
It shall be essential to my quest to continually educate myself and build my expressive power. I shall not expect perfection: I shall have the courage to see what needs to be changed and to revise when necessary.
My life has been and remains painful. I remember this: that I have survived both the catastrophic and that which slowly grinds. Despite the disappointments which others have handed me, I honor the strength of character which has allowed me to persevere — often unappreciated and unsung. I honor the compassion for the suffering of others which has often gone unrequited. I applaud my strength in learning how to be supportive. I acknowledge my frontiers in compassion and love for others. I have not always been the good person that I want to be, but I have been a good person.
This is not a suicide note, but an affirmation that life still holds surprises that I want to see. I shall be there until my body gives out and I shall do my best to extend my body’s life as long as possible so that I may continue to record what I have suffered, what I have enjoyed. I live to write. This is not a goal, but a path. I choose it knowing the pitfalls. I choose it out of love.
