Better Friends Cures This?

Posted on April 27, 2005 in Depression Glands

What strikes me as the worst part of this surgery is the recovery period. Three weeks of isolation when I should not be isolating myself. When I am healthy and friends don’t call, I can at least go out and do things on my own — as much as I hate that. But for three weeks I will be confined mostly to the home, going nowhere much except for limited trips in the company of my wife.

Some say that what I need are better friends. This makes me want to crawl under the blankets and hide. No matter what happens to me, it’s all my fault. Who would want to live under that kind of responsibility? I will, regardless.

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If it were possible, I would simply fade from the world and allow all memory of me to disappear from the minds of everyone who knew me. Like smoke in a wind, like dye in a river, like me at a party when I go out the back door while everyone else is talking.

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When I am facing up to my moods, I go out and do stuff on my own. But this gets tiring after a while. I want to show someone my discoveries. And there is no one at my side.