Romantic Porn and The Perfect Body

Posted on May 22, 2005 in Crosstalk Folly Watch Sexuality

It’s funny, no one finds it “dangerous” when women have taboo fantasies, only when men do. There’s this sense that women have realistic boundaries, no matter how cockamamie their fantasy life may be. But if a man reveals a taboo fantasy, everyone assumes that he’s about to run out and perform it. — Susie Bright

Susie Bright went to a romance convention, expecting to find herself distinctly out of place as a creator of erotic literature. She was unprepared for what she found: fisting scenes, gay couples , interracial sex, rape, S/M, incest. overt bondage, domination/submission, and rape/forced sex. Even Harlequin — once known as the purveyor of heroines and heroes with the purest of intentions — now sells raunchy stuff.

Oh my God.

The romance industry has turned pornographic, but with a twist:

The next time you are prepared to be scandalized by a degrading bimbo fest in a X-rated DVD, please consider that the exact same thing is being described, from a female perspective, in Romances. It’s just that the objectification happens in the opposite direction.

You know how women’s bodes are the ones that always have to be perfect in porn, even if the men are kinda droopy or overweight? It’s the same with romance, in reverse. The men’s bodies are all PUMPED— the women can be whatever. Her imperfections are irrelevant or sympathetic; the hero has to be an oiled stud muffin. Fabio is Jenna is Fabio.

It doesn’t surprise me. When I posted a picture of my swollen midriff in response to those who thought that there should be no commenting on whether a woman is overweight or not, no one said anything. I won’t take that as approval, particularly because my belly is pretty gross to look at when I am naked. I don’t deny it. I don’t call it a thing of beauty and I don’t expect others to think of it so, either. (Those damned mood stabilizers make it hard to keep in shape.) On the other hand, I am not about to commit suicide. Still, I don’t see women lining up for men like me unless we have a lot of money. It’s a sad but true fact.

I’m not about to chase after Warren Farrell, but there is something to be said for what Dan Savage said about a year ago in his column: feel free to be overweight, but don’t expect other people to call it beautiful. And though I love my body, I don’t find it beautiful. At least not between my nipples and my hips.

What upsets me is the double-standard: women can claim that saying that a woman is overweight is persecution, but men can’t complain when women don’t find them attractive.

Again, I don’t blame this on Feminism: I blame it on the inability of some female chauvinists to be fair. Early feminists such as Woolf wanted women to be treated the same as men, to have equal standing under the law and equal access to education. I share that feeling. (Unlike Warren Farrell I support California’s community property laws which split family resources down the middle — it’s a nonsexist law which helps poor husbands as much as it helps poor wives.) What’s good for the man is good for the woman and vice versa, except in certain cases involving their distinct biologies, e.g. abortion, some birth control, etc. My message to some women is this: either you balance your criticism of men and women to be fair to both or — there is no second option. Be fair. Make no excuses for being unfair.

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