More Tips for Talking to a Bipolar

Posted on March 26, 2006 in Bipolar Disorder Caretakers Reflections

A few expressed appreciation for my list of things to say and not say to bipolars and depressives in episode. The last two weeks have been stressful for me: like others of my kind, I have been able to cover it from most people except other bipolars. The facade is transparent to them and they are not taken in by the Rococo and Baroque intimations of sanity.

Not that my life has been uncluttered by ignorant and abrasive people. I find that a key to treating others better is to reflect on the paint chips that come off when others belittle me. Here is a personal list of advice from recent weeks:

• The worst lie of all is the lie you tell yourself, particularly when it is used to deny harm to others.
• Don’t tease me about being insecure when I feel fragile. That is not going to strengthen me.
• A rationalisation is not an apology. If you attack me and want to make up, just say you are sorry. It doesn’t entail castration, clitorectomy, the death penalty, or enslavement. Don’t think that saying great things about me in the wake of a conflict eliminates the need to apologize. Such things only make you lose credibility. I don’t like ass-kissers.
• If I call myself a loser, don’t tell me that I am not. That invalidates my thinking and insults me. If you want to help, tell me that you understand that things must be hard for me to be saying such things. And listen. I’m in no place to hear advice. I need a steady, uncommenting ear. If you let me, I may heal myself.