Off Paper, Onto Flourescence

Posted on March 27, 2006 in Journals & Notebooks Uncertainty

Having problems discriminating between what is mania or narcissism or sheer loneliness. I’ve been yapping a lot lately, even when there is no one else to hear. I know it annoys people. I couldn’t stop talking about Crash today. There’s something wrong going on and I can’t get a handle on it….

When we went out [to dinner], my inner clock crashed. I dreaded the ensuing hours because there were at least five hours before I could go to sleep. I [had broken] a promise to myself: I was going to get up at my first waking, avoid naps, and sleep when the tiredness came over me. I did not rise at the first waking. I slept until about 12:30, rose slowly, but I did not go back for a nap! Yes, this is a good thing….

Magus. Here’s something I don’t like. Being the “gifted soul” who no one dares to help. A brass god. I do love to talk. They need to let me talk about what hurts, what unnerves.