Listless

Posted on August 27, 2006 in Depression

I am rising out of what my friend Janet calls the “black hole” into a state of just not giving much a damn about anything except eyeing the hairs of dust floating over a surface of your choice. I am surrounded by books and yet I touch none of them: The Heart of Midlothian frightens me because it was the book I was reading when I disappeared for eight days last week. Disappeared to you, that is. I knew where I was at but the space was Queen-sized.

I have had many depressions but few like this one. Guess it is the effect of the Lamictal: it gives me happy manias and truly listless depressions.

I cried when I went to a support group meeting which is a good sign because it means I trust the people there. After I left, I do not doubt that I was a source of friendly gossip. “This is not the Joel we know” one woman said to me. Well, it was the same old Joel but he was tired, very tired though not fatigued.