Insert a Trite Metaphor for a Corral #50

Posted on February 11, 2007 in Roundup

I try to avoid the big headlines, but now and then — despite my best efforts — I hit on a story which excites the journalistic lack of imagination. Such is the case with Anna Nicole Smith, the now dead tabloid star. The latest news is that they can’t figure out what she died of. I hate it when that happens.

• Just Go After Everyone: You know, something interesting is happening because of our war in the Middle East — we’re pissing everyone off. In Iraq, we’re helping the [[Shia]] destroy the [[Sunni]] minority. We support a [[Wahabi]] government in Saudi Arabia — the sect that gave us [[Osama bin Laden]]. And now, with the proposed bombing in Iran, we’re going after the Shia. We’ve managed to accomplish what centuries of reformers have failed: to reunite the factions in a great [[jihad]]. Check out Patrick Cockburn’s thoughts on attacking the Shia.
• A Whack on the Back of the Head: Just how hard was Carson Public Works Commissioner Jan Schaefer hit? Check out the video and read about tense goings on in this city hit by extensive corruption.
• It Better Be Worth It: For $39, you can have 0.9 ounces of Nokia chocolate. Which comes out to $693 a pound. People actually buy these things?
• Password Security: It’s so damn hard to remember uI8822RHtx9e7W!
• Site Recommendation: The use of graphology as a tool for employee hiring and evaluation. A good overall evaluation of a pseudoscientific practice popular among personnel officers.
• What Would You Give: Alan Smullin will do anything legal for one million dollars. The sign also included his phone number, which prompted calls from people cursing him, telling him to get a job, giving him encouragement (but no money) and making mock offers (i.e., walk from California to Hawaii for the money).
• You’ve been dying to do it: The [[Havasupai]] Indians have initiated a controversy with the building of a skywalk across the Grand Canyon. Environmentalists charge that the billion dollar structure is an eyesore, but tribal members hope it will draw tourists to their impoverished reservation.
• The Down and Dirty: What you didn’t want to know about defecation in Space.
• The Virtue of a Long Nap: The more you sleep, the more new brain cells you grow. This might explain why high-powered executives can make such numbheaded decisions at times. They cut their hours of rest to a minimum (and they want more!) and the brain cells just never replenish themselves. Should we ask presidential candidates just how much sleep they get every night? It’s been a good week for those of us who like to get in 10 or more hours a night.

If you find any articles worthy of mention in these roundups, send the URL to gazissax at best dot com. And feel free to comment!