Bitter Water of the Gods

Posted on April 22, 2007 in Consuming Eating

The Republican controlled [[FDA]] is considering saving you from the ravages of cocoa butter. Or rather, it is trying to allow fatty food producers yet another avenue into your diet, a chance to purvey an ersatz product as the real thing. Your [[chocolate]] is in danger!

“2007P-0085: Adopt Regulations of General Applicability to all Food Standards that would Permit, within Stated Boundaries, Deviations from the Requirements of the Individual Food Standards of Identity” is a brassy attempt to sell faux chocolate as the real thing. An opinion piece in the Los Angeles Times reported:

The FDA is entertaining a “citizen’s petition” to allow manufacturers to substitute vegetable fats and oils for cocoa butter.

The “citizens” who created this petition represent groups that would benefit most from this degradation of the current standards. They are the Chocolate Manufacturers Assn., the Grocery Manufacturers Assn., the Snack Food Assn. and the National Cattlemen’s Beef Assn. (OK, I’m not sure what’s in it for them), along with seven other food producing associations.

This is what they think of us chocolate eaters, according to their petition on file at the FDA:

“Consumer expectations still define the basic nature of a food. There are, however, no generally held consumer expectations today concerning the precise technical elements by which commonly recognized, standardized foods are produced. Consumers, therefore, are not likely to have formed expectations as to production methods, aging time or specific ingredients used for technical improvements, including manufacturing efficiencies.”

Let me translate: “Consumers won’t know the difference.”

I can tell you right now — we will notice the difference. How do I know? Because the product they’re trying to rename “chocolate” already exists. It’s called “chocolate flavored” or “chocolaty” or “cocoalicious.” You can find it on the shelves right now at your local stores in the 75% Easter sale bin, those waxy/greasy mock-chocolate bunnies and foil-wrapped eggs that sit even in the most sugar-obsessed child’s Easter basket well into July.

The idea is that by changing the name, we’ll not know that they are passing a less-than-holy product to us. But we know better, we know the real thing when we taste it. The big sellers in “chocolaty” snacks all contain the real thing! Our taste buds guide us just fine. The fake chocolatiers believe that it is all in a name, so they are willing to lure us into wasting money on a greasy candy in the name of profits.

“Chocolate” is a [[Nahuatl]] (Aztec) word that means “bitter water of the gods”. It’s emblematic of our age that this sacred confection should be supplanted by cheap thrills and instant, second-rate pleasure. It’s the way that our religion has gone, our politics, and our news media.

How dare they adulerate this last good and true thing!

[tags]consuming, chocolate, food[/tags]