When the Sadness Hits Me

Posted on December 24, 2002 in Cats Festivals Grief

My recent “blasphemies” against the Christmas spirit have resulted in getting me dropped from more than a few blogs. Oh well. I must speak of my sadness again.

I’ve noted the times when the tears well up:

• When Lynn announces that she is cleaning out the litterbox. Ambrose used to “tell us” when it needed cleaning.
  
• When I lay on my bed in the evening, the time when he used to come to me for a cuddle.
  
• When I look at the pictures we have here and there in the house.
  
• When I hand out cat treats and there are only two pairs of eyes.
  
• When I wake in the morning and find the corner of the bed empty.
  
• When one of the other cats comes to sit in my lap.
  
• When Virginia Mew bites my finger while I am sleeping.
  
• When I turn around and notice the empty space on the top of the scratching post where he used to pose for my web cam.
  
• When I think of how I neglected Ambrose in recent months to give more attention to Tracy who I thought would be the first to die.

• When I look at the scratch he left on my hand the last time I held him.
  
• When I hear the voice I made up for him talking to me in my head.
  
• When I remember how he examined any new thing closely and checked out the box.
  
• When I remember how he grabbed styrofoam packing in his mouth and tried to run off with it.

Thanks to those who are sticking with me through these times which grow increasingly darker though, supposedly, the days are again growing longer. Thanks for your Christmas wishes. I think that will put in an appearance at the family Christmas gathering tomorrow, if not for my own cheer, then for the cheer of others.

My best wishes to everyone and more to those who feel sad when all around them have joy. I understand your loneliness and your despair. No one knows the future, but keep living because life is unpredictable.

I’ve movd a few nonreciprocating links to the second page.