Peridex™

Posted on February 26, 2003 in Dentition

If I told those who wanted my vicodin leftovers that they had to take a mouthful of peridex with it, I suspect the line would rapidly disappear.

Peridex™ (generic name Chlorhexidine Gluconate) is a clear sky blue liquid that looks like no tasty apertif known to me and certainly does not taste like one. Dentists swear by it for the antiseptic effects it has on the gums. Patients swear that it is one of the worst tasting concoctions ever produced by the pharmaceuticals industry.

It used to taste like mucilage. To appease customers, they’ve given it a mint flavor. Imagine a mint which has been subjected to plutonium radiation and then mashed up with Greek mastic liqueur. There you have Peridex.

I’m at the point in my healing where I am to swish it around in my mouth after meals for about thirty seconds. It burns around the wound and, if I have taken a vicodin, makes me want to puke. The consequences of not using it could be dire: the whole idea of the infection renewing itself and spreading from my jawbone to my brain just does’t appeal to me. And I’ve spent enough sleepless nights from dental pain to want to invite that experience again.

But couldn’t they find a better flavor? Or is there someone out there who can teach me a yogic technique for turning off the taste buds and scent receptors in my face long enough to ignore the horrible taste?

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Speaking of vicodin, I have to say that it’s reputation as a recreational drug is overrated. If you take it on an empty stomach or go driving or play Microsoft Train Simulator, it makes you nauseous. Why would anyone want this?

Come to think of it, plenty of people down peyote buttons knowing full well that it will cause them to upchuck. Do some people just like to puke?