Restaurant Help

Posted on February 26, 2003 in Cafes Compassion

The woman went to every table at the soup and salad bar place, offering the customers chocolate chip cookies. “Thank you,” they all said as she picked up the dainties with her tongs and placed them on the green trays where they’d stacked their soup, salad, bread, and pasta selections. “Thank you, thank you.”

A few minutes later, a young man came to remove the emptied plates and bowls. “May I take this?” he asked politely. They grunted, removing the silverware that they wanted to keep for another run at the mushroom soup, and went on with their conversations. When he came to our table, I helped him load his tray and thanked him for clearing them.

The other week, when I wandered onto the popular blog of a writer, I got myself into an exchange over how much to tip. I was called an “over-tipper” for defending the idea that you should always leave a tip unless the server has been appallingly mean. Servers are human beings, I said. You have no idea what is going on in the back room to cause the delays and frayed nerves that you see out in the dining room. A little kindness, I added, goes a long ways.

What I didn’t mention was that I also believe in being polite to the busboys, acknowledging them as persons, too. I’ve often looked at other tables when the busboy is running around, picking up trays, and it seems almost universal that most people seem to think that they become pashas in restaurants, who can treat the staff as nonentities. I don’t detain the busboys with more than a thank you and a smile because I know that they have bosses breathing down their necks, but the few seconds I take to put across to them that they are human are important.

Sometimes, I think, I am the only voice of kindness in their evening.

Those who clean up the messes we don’t like looking at and clear spaces for us deserve thanks, too, don’t you think?