Why my mother doesn’t blog or chat online

Posted on March 14, 2003 in Whines

What part of “no” doesn’t my mother understand? I don’t want to deal directly with the family at a funeral. It’s just too aggravating for me. But no excuse will suffice. And nothing I have done already is enough.

My mother wants me to drive her to a funeral. I don’t want to go. I have sent an e-greeting, a snail mail sympathy card, and a bouquet of flowers to the family.

Mom: You were stupid to send flowers.

Joel: Why?

Mom: They will never thank you for them.

Tomorrow or at some future point when she suggests that I should send flowers to someone, I will say “But you said that sending flowers is stupid.”

Mom: I never said that.

This is why my mother will never blog or chat with me online. She knows that I can cut and paste.

---

Addendum: Saturday, March 15, 2003 7:31:49 AM. Forecast for Southern California. Weather report is heavy rains and wind. Flood alerts throughout Southern California. Hills have started sliding into creeks in Santa Barbara and Ventura Counties. It hasn’t hit us yet. I call my mother. I tell her the forecast. “Well, I’m still coming down.” “Fine. You’re not taking me with you.” and turn the cel phone off.

I sit down with Lynn in the living room. “Good lord, Lynn,” I sigh. “I feel like Ishmael aboard the Pequod. And there’s Captain Ahab saying over and over again ‘the White Whale. We’re after the White Whale.’ Except it’s my mother!”

---

Afterthought: It’s so easy to say “I never said that.” But when I do — even if I really didn’t say it — I ache about it.