They’ve Always Got to Find a Penis

Posted on February 13, 2004 in Campaign 2004 Journalists & Pundits

John Kerry has a sex scandal brewing early this a.m. The source? Matt Drudge. Who else outside the sex industry and the speakers’ series at Bob Jones University even cares about the whereabouts of male politicians’ fifth members?

Those who have read my comments on Kerry lately might believe that I would be delighted to hear the news. Frankly, I think this calls for a massive yawn. This is not a reason to vote against John Kerry. It would not be a reason to vote against George W. Bush, Dennis Kucinich, Howard Dean, John Edwards, or my late Uncle Henry.

John Kerry did not grope women on television like Ahnold and he did not rape this young woman who is claimed to be “hiding in Africa” (working for the Peace Corps?) This issue lies between Kerry and Teresa Heinz.

The irony is that this may work in Kerry’s favor. Many Democrats and independents are so fed up with the mudslinging of the Bush White House and the Right (especially after the election of the Greater Groper here in California) that they may rally to Kerry’s defense. It won’t change my vote (Kerry’s got to come clean on his votes for Bush’s war and constitutional infringements), but others may be moved.

I hope the other Democratic candidates will call the semen-and-vaginal-juice-rakers on this one and rise to Kerry’s defense. It would be truly astounding if George W. Bush called for a moratorium on such stories. But given that the Thief of the White House used the holier-than-thou strategy in his Year 2000 campaign, I doubt that he will do the right thing.

The real character issue involves the media outlets who give air time to the typings of slimers who happen to have an Internet site and a name they recognize. “But Matt Drudge was right about Clinton and Monica in 1996!” they exclaim as justification for this new dirt. I was on target last year about the WMDs, so listen to me: it’s a nonstory. Give up on Drudge and focus on national health, unemployment, the deficit, the war in Iraq, and other issues that matter to Americans. Do some real work for a change!

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UPDATE: Rush declares that Clinton’s penis did it!

UPDATE 2: An excellent article by Balkinization about the insignificance of this revelation.