Who Has the Mint Jelly?

Posted on December 21, 2002 in Myths & Mysticism

An extinct branch of Zoroastrianism called Zurvanism believed that before everything else existed, Time occupied the Universe alone. Having nothing better to do, Time invented the materials s/he needed and performed a sacrifice. Once the embers cooled, s/he did another one. No one is sure how long this pre-laptop solitaire went on, but after a while, Time produced a son named Ahriman and a second one named Ahura Mazda. The two quarrelled like brothers do, so Time told Ahriman that he could have the earth for nine thousand years. After that, it would belong entirely to his brother. (As a little brother myself, I love ultimogeniture).

Zorastrians find nothing odd about Time performing sacrifices to no one in particular because they feel that of itself, sacrifice can relieve a sore and lonely soul.

When I was a child who was buffetted by dark moods, my mother used to tell me to “offer my pain up to God”. It’s a cop out for her to have said it, but for me to suggest it to myself it can be a salve. Why not think of myself as a sort of pascal lamb on the altar? If only in a story, this time of pain and darkness could begin to make some sense.

So here I am, God, burnt to a crisp and sprinkled with bitter herbs. Just as you like it.

Thoughts? Arguments?